(Ela’s column featured in the spring issue of 7sky Magazine)
Has anybody ever noticed how many Self Help books an average Swiss bookshop exhibits? A hell of lot, that’s how many. «Self Confidence In 7 Days,» «Discover Yourself» or «Women’s Self Help.» Well, my opinion of the whole «Self Help» trend is pretty low. Primarily, this is because I’ve read that this whole «focusing on ourselves» debacle is one of the biggest problems in the wealthy western world and that it contributes greatly to our high suicide rate. But, in spite of my aversion to the self-trend I do find browsing through self-help books very amusing and so, I’ve already found myself reading lines such as «Love Yourself And It Won’t Matter Who You Are Married To» or «Listen To Yourself – this will help you build a relationship with the most important person on earth – yourself.» This sentence was pretty much to blame for my decision not to write about my green aunty, who helped introduce specific waste disposal bags in Zurich in the nineties, in my column «Listen To Your Earth» (even though I truly honor my Aunt’s achievements!). No, I decided to undertake a self-test myself.
Listen carefully: Ela spending time with her Earth (photo: Timo Jarvinen)
The initial reason for my self-test was this: a guy that I had never met in my life before, was going to be in a City that lies a good six hours away from Zurich for 12 hours and he suggested that I go and meet him. One could call it a blind date for blithering idiots, as it is pretty nuts to travel six hours on a train, to spend 12 hours with a potential jerk. But then again, I did have a column to write and this self-test I wanted to carry out. And so without even asking, my Earth suddenly started speaking to me. «Do it!» she screamed and «do something irrational and spontaneous you bore!» These may not have been her exact words but even so, the blind date felt kind of right all of a sudden. You know, backed by Mother Earth, fate and all that. At most, this was going to be the wonderful beginning of that amazing love story this guy and I would tell our grandchildren in 50 years to come
I was «acquainted» with this mystery man online. The fact that I chat with complete strangers online probably won’t boost my reputation, but organizing a blind date in a bar does kind of not work per definiton. However, I already knew that he and I had mutual friends, that he shared my passion for board sports and that he was, indeed, attractive. I was – thanks to my Earth – absolutely certain that my self-test was going to be a great success.
Well. The guy seemed to come down with an acute bout of flu the minute I arrived. Whether this was an actual physical condition or simply a reaction to me, we will never know. Anyway, over the next 12 hours, he felt the need to blow his nose every two minutes and his head must have felt like the inside of a pressure cooker. In retrospect, it probably would have been nothing but fair to call the date off. But our return journeys were already booked and so we decided to go ahead with the whole thing. Pretty idiotic really. This guy did turn out to be a jerk, which wasn’t really surprising considering his condition. Yes, I could have shown more understanding but I simply didn’t feel like it as I had just spent six damn hours on a train and all I wanted was a little unconditional romance.
I could not wait to get back on the train to Zurich and curse my Earth as much I could. She retaliated, again unasked, by sticking her tongue out at me, so I responded by beating her up. Then, crying, she admitted that she only did this to me because I was abusing her for my self-test. Her and I ended up having a little talk, which really helped. We are friends again now. Having carried out my self-test now, however, I have come to the conclusion that one should never abuse their Earth, because apparently she is latently unforgiving and she likes getting her own back…
On that note, if you listen to your earth, you have got to listen carefully.
To read more of Ela’s story in German and French go to onto the websie of 7sky Magazine.
